Reflections

So, in three short days, I shall turn 28 years old. I can't help but wonder where the last 28 years went. Do I feel that old? Yes, I do. But, I think for the first time in my life, I can truly appreciate what I've done, especially within the last few years. I went from a severely depressed person, still living in her mom's house truly hating life and my job, to having my own apartment, a job I really love, and a renewed sense of self. And, as soon as I get my tax return, I'll be debt free! I really feel that this last decade was the worst, and it's all up hill from here.

Although my life is far from what I consider perfect, I know I can make it everything I want it to be. Over the next five months I plan on getting my weight back down to where I think it should be. Just in the last year alone I went from 140lbs to 170lbs. For someone that is only 5'1", that's a lot. Two weeks ago I started a new workout regime, I'm changing the way I eat, and I took pictures of myself in a bikini to give me added inspiration. And, I think posting the details on here where anyone can read it will give me another extra push to not quit. I know I can do it.

I also plan on working very hard on finishing my novel. I've had the idea for the story for nine years, but I didn't start any actual writing until this last year. I feel that I've finally filled in all the plot holes and I have a story that will captivate readers. I won't divulge the plot on here tho, I don't want anyone stealing my ideas. But, I will keep you updated on how it's coming. I think if I can write several pages a day, I'll be done by the end of the year. Then, hopefully, I can get it published. Cross your fingers!

I've promised myself that I won't give up on any of my goals. I've done this a lot in the past, then blamed others for my failures, especially my family. This is the worst thing I could have done because they've been the ones who've always stood by me no matter what. I only hope that these last few years have brought some redemption from the bitch moves I used to pull. I love my family more than anything, and it's taken quite a few years for me to pull my head out of my ass and admit that I used to treat them like scum. My borderline personality disorder was to blame for some of it, but at the same time I had to take responsibility for my own actions and not let my disease control me. I've grown a lot, and I hope I'm proving that to them as well. I would be nothing without my family, they've helped me get this far, and I know they'll help me get farther. I love you guys!

I've got my plans and I've got my faith. Nothing is going to stop me from my goals. Nothing

Personal Opinion

Okay, so this one isn't about work. I just feel the need to write it. I was watching Gene Simmon's Family Jewels last night, and I couldn't believe how many people badger Gene on a daily basis to marry Shannon. I've been engaged three times, and now I no longer believe in marriage, at least, I don't believe in the whole "legal" process of it. The more I think about it, the more stupid the whole idea seems.

Once upon a time marriage was considered something sacred and beautiful. Now, it's a joke. Marriage doesn't guarantee anything anymore. A signed legal document doesn't guarantee your spouse will never leave you. It doesn't say they'll never cheat on you, have kids then abuse them and you, take all your money, murder you in your sleep, nothing. And, even if it did, it's not like it's a magical document that will actually prevent any of these things from happening.

As for wanting to share your life with someone, marriage is no longer needed for that. A couple living together without marrying is no longer the taboo that it once was. I've met couples that have been together for years without ever marrying, and they are far happier than any married couple I've known. I think part of that is that these people can wake up every morning and think, "I'm with the person next to me because I love them and I want to be with them." Married people can't say that. They get, "I'm with this person because I signed a legal document stating that I will share my life with them until I die, leave them, cheat on them, or get sick of them and go thru the lengthy, expensive, time consuming process of getting a divorce."

If your faith requires marriage as a stepping stone for whatever you believe the next life holds, then by all means, do it. It's my opinion that marriage (in the legal aspect) is been made useless, not yours. If I ever do get engaged again, I'll have a wedding, but not the marriage license. I don't need a piece of paper to define my love for another. I know you're asking, "then why have a wedding at all if you don't plan on making it legal?" The answer is that I would do that mainly for my family. I know they would want to celebrate my choice to spend my life with someone. Bringing governmental restrictions on my life is something I want to keep to a minimum tho.